WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
