i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
