i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
