Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
