Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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