I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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