got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
