Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
accomplished twins. life is a go
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
