I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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