You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
