fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
