While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it was like eating out sand paper
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
