i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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