ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
