This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
