i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
