What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
