he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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