the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
