I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
