The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
