Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
