We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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