3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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