I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
