I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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