Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A+ Viking dick
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
