I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
