So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
