i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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