I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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