What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
