I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
jump out the window naked night went bad
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