There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
