A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
