I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
