If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
smell my finger.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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