YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
