It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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