Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
