At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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