fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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