ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
