I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
