Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
