is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
