he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I will pee on everything he values.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
please don't ironically join a cult
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