your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
