I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
