I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
