I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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