This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
