great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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