I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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