Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
